Not Meant For This World
by Coffee-And-Valentines
Summary: An AU of Bioshock during the Holocaust. Brigid Tenenbaum was born in Hassen, Germany were she met her lifelong friend Jack. After what seems like a lifetime of pains and agony Tenenbaum and Jack begin a new life, and Tenenbaum discovers her affections for Jack. Can Tenenbaum finally put her horrific past behind her and live a new life with Jack and the sisters? [Jack/B. Tenenbaum]
1. Chapter 1

**..:^:.. Colorado, 1958**

She was no fool, that was for sure. Brigid Tenenbaum looked down at the child, her eyes perked with curiosity and playful teasing.

"Lucina... Go to sleep." Brigid replied, her harsh, German- European accent matched with vivid green eyes should seem fairly intimidating to the 9-year-old. Who was she kidding, Brigid had know the child since she was 4 years old... Lucina could not have pretended to be afraid of her motherly figure if she tried.

"But... you still havent answered my question." Lucina's eyes widened with her growing smile of anticipation.

"Child-" Brigid's efforts to avoid the subject only added to the little girl's obvious excitement to hear an answer.

_"PLLEEEAAASSSEEEE?"_ Lucina rested her head on Tenenbaum's lap, her black hair spilling onto the woman's skirt and her pale face decorated a lovely grin. "Are you and Daddy going to be together for ever and ever? Are you and Daddy going to get married? What does Daddy say to you? Do you love Daddy? Does he love you? Does-"

"Hush," Brigid felt the hot rush of blood creep into her face as her cheeks blush. Jack, she closed her eyes and thought about him for a moment, relishing the thought. Jack, standing tall in the doorway of their newly purchased apartment, his magical laugh lighting the hallways of a new beginning. She toyed with the memories of Jack spinning Alcyone and Psyche around their emptied living room, the way he looked at her recently, the way his lips would quiver every now and then she she brushed his shoulder or whispered to herself little nothings. "Your father and I are not in a relationship Lucina."

The girl's shoulders fell, she tipped her head to the side- her arms wrapping around the older woman's legs.

"Oh... I just thought-"

"Go to bed Lucina..." Tenenbaum brushed the girl's hair away from her face, cradling the child's jaw in her han for a moment. Each second of serenity and affection passing agonizingly slower then the last. Brigid looked down at Lucina's bright blue eyes - the child looking back up at her with equal apology.

"... Goodnight Tenenbaum." Lucina stood, stretched her scrawny arms and yawned.

"Goodnight child." Brigid watched her retreat from her room until her shadow was the only piece left of the tiny girl, then that too disappeared with the closing of the door and the click of a light switch going off in the hallway. She stood from her chair at her desk, sighing with the heaviness in her chest. She stumbled across the carpet to her window, watching the stars and moon glare down at her, judging her, laughing at her, mocking her.

"Oh Jack... " Tenenbaum's thick, rusted voice rang in the air. She could see the reflection of a 28-year-old woman with brown hair and green eyes speaking to her through the glass. She touched the cold, frost backing away from the reflection she knew was her own. "After all we have been through... "

\- November 3rd, 1939 **_Hessen, Germany_**-

"Brigid Tenenbaum." The woman in the front of the classroom called her name loudly and with a nervous jump Brigid stood up, knocking her knees against the wooden desk in front of her.

"Vorhanden Frau." _Present Mrs. _Tenenbaum stood up tall despite the chuckles and snickers from her classmates, her knees stung but she stared straight ahead, her eyes fixated on the black board ahead. She did not make eye contact with the soldiers standing by the doorway, she did not let them see the increase in her heartbeat or the sweat she could feel crawling down her back.

Angst nein, angst nein, _No fear, no fear. _

_"_Gehen," _Go. _Tenenbaum reached for her bags and school supplies leaning against her desk. "Verlassen es." _Leave it. _The woman looked at Brigid with anger and intense hatred, it burned in her eyes. Tenenbaum wondered if it stung her throat to say her name. She gulped, straightened her face and out of pure instinct she snatched the first thing her fingers ran against a photo of her family. She shoved the paper into her sock before she stood, and uniformly marched to the front of the classroom, she went to her teacher but the young woman backed away, almost in disgust. She gestured towards the soldiers.

The men looked straight ahead, one of them placing a cold, toxic hand on her shoulder when she stepped towards them.

"Jack Wynand." Frau Kunstler motioned for her classmate to join, Jack rose- his brown eyes shattered and his usually confident stature shattered. Brigid barely reacognised her classmate, this was a boy who had once been caught stealing bread from a shop in the square and once his mother asked him why he'd replied "das schweinnigel sagte Amerikans verdient holle und nien mehr." _The dirty pig said all Americans deserved hell and no greater. _The boy shuffled to the front next to Tenenbaum and they looked out over a sea of their classmates. Each either smirking or indifferent about the subject.

"Gehen." The man shoved Tenenbaum and the two children made their way down the hall of the school, the lobbyist nodding at the soldiers who escorted them to the front doors. Brigid could feel Jack staring at her, his gaze burning holes in her skin.

"_Was guckst du Amerikan?" __What are you looking at American? _She hissed through her teeth, sounding a few levels harsher then she meant to.

Jack recoiled and his eyes were sent ablaze- he stared at her for a few moments and growled words she did not understand. "Shut up stupid bitch."

"Ziemlich." _Quite. _The soldier gripping Tenenbaum's arm shook her roughly.

The odd group walked down the streets, towns people Brigid recognized staring at them and spitting on the asphalt. A black truck awaited at the end of the street, the man's grip tensed as they came closer. The pain shot up Brigid's arm and made her arm quiver, her feet barely touching the cement as the soldier's rage stabbed into her bones. They open the back of the trunk, first the soldier picks up Tenenbaum by her one arm- forcing her to let out a tiny sound of pain. They tell her to shut up and the soldier sets her in the trunk of the truck, pushing her into one of the benchs on either side of the truck's bed. Jack follows and they slam it shut, the sounds of the outer locks echoing inside of the enclosed space like a doomsday bell.

Angst nein, angst nein. _No fear, no fear. _

" Brigid." Jack's voice quivers with fear and when he looks at her his face is distorted. "They are taking us to prison, aren't they?"

"We don't know that." Tenenbaum focuses on the bench across from her were the word 'Help' is scratched into the wood.

"That's what my parents said, they are taking all the Jews to prison."

"Your parents are just American fools." She looks over at the terrified boy, his eyes filling with salty tears and his shoulders shaking.

"How are you so brave?"

"Angst nein." She looks over at the boy who is her age - his features distorted from the obvious terror of what awaits them. Jack stands taller than she, but crumpled in his state of distress she sits up taller than he does. She'd always seen Jack as the daring, fearless boy who would always get the school questions wrong but would laugh at the boy who could only say the answer in French.

"Angst nein... No fear?" Jack's English surprised her- she'd only heard words like 'bitch' or 'stoo-pid' or 'dum- ass'. But the syllables rolled off her tongue with rigid accent, involuntarily.

"No fear." She squinted at the boy and folded her hands in her lap. No fear.

**..:^:.. Colorado. 1958 **

_Fire. Gasoline. Burning Flesh. Emily. Loud Trucks. Soldiers. Gunshots. The Smell of Blood. Barns. Ponds. Swamps. Chain Link Fences. Scratches on Her fingertips. **079120**_

Tenenbaum bolted upright in bed screaming at the top of her lungs, panting for air, clawing at her hair. She scratched her skin until it bled just to know she was alive. She tore the sheets off her body, searching for her legs- she felt her body shake with horror. Tenebaum touched her lips and willed her lungs to stop burning and covered her mouth to stop the screams. The tears ran hot off her cheeks- yes she was alive.

Am I alive?

Jack opened the door, bolting across the room to Brigid's bed where he sat next to her. He wrapped his arms around her- pulling her close to him. She could hear his heartbeat and her muffled screams mix in her own safe haven she'd created in Jack's embrace.

"Shh... Brigid... Brigid I'm here its ok..." His voice touched her ears with gentle- sincere concern. He rubbed her back comfortingly, her breath starting to settle, her heart finishing it's race and beginning to rest again. His chest was warm while she was freezing cold. Her shaking and somewhat skinny figure pressed against him.

The door creaked open, a pair of glowing blue eyes peaking around the door.

"... Tenenbaum?" Alcyone's voice traveled across the room- four additional pairs of eyes following her gaze. Nine years old, the age she and Jack had been when they were taken from school that day.

"Girls go back to sleep, it's alright." Jack looked over at the group and they tip toed back to their rooms. His arm stayed locked around her, he whispered sweet nothings in her ear until her mind would stop playing the memories. Each photographic angst stuck on pause. She looked up into his brown eyes, seeing the only friend she'd ever known.

"Jack..." She began to speak, her fragile words attempting to be voiced but to weak to ever be heard. She tucked herself into his arms and continued to listen to that beating in his chest until she was lulled into sleep.

-November 4th, 1939 **Auschwitz** -

The bench was grinding into her back and her stomach growled with hunger. Fatigue and a sense of helplessness thickened the air between herself and Jack. She was beginning to feel the tragedy Jack had at first, and now with her companion asleep on the bench beside her she allowed her emotions to run wold and gave herself over to body wracking sobs and salty tears. She took the folded picture out of her sock, The faces of her father and mother were no longer distinguishable, the mud from the road and the creases from folding the Polaroid too quickly had destroyed their figures. At this Tenenbaum cried harder, clutching her hair in her hands - would she forget their faces? Would she see her parents again? Would these creases in the pages make it impossible for Brigid to find them once she arrived where the soldiers were taking her?

Her cries stopped when her eyes ran out of water and she rubbed the sorrow off her face. The bumping and rocking of the truck slowly beckoned her into sleep.

She woke when the trunk opened, the unfamiliar light burning her eyes. She slammed them shut blinking slowly to open them without damaging her blurring vision. Outside of the truck voices where yelling and arms were grabbing at Jack. He gazed up at her with a look of utter despair. She looked back, her face hollow and strong, she stared back at him as they pulled the children out of the trunk and pushed them towards chain link fences.

She looked at him one more time, the soldiers taking her one way as he disappeared another. Alone, she gazed around slowly while instide her heart did somersaults. Her lungs filled slowly- her cool and collected figure never changing. The inside of the fence showed dirt grounds and tiny huts scattered everywhere. Sad-looking people skinny to the bone stared at her grimly. She was sat down in a hut were these sad-looking people stripped her of her clothes, including the ruined picture. A woman with no flesh left and deep sockets around her eyes handed her a shirt and pants.

"Wo bin ich?" _Where am I? _Brigid looked up at the woman. _Angst nein, Angst nein _she repeated, allowing her face to stay straight and her voice to remain steady.

"Auschwitz." The woman looked down at her with sad eyes as Brigid dressed. "Wie heissen Sie?" _What is your name?_

"Brigid Tenenbaum."

The woman nodded, touched her shoulder and then said with depression hanging heavy in her voice.

"Now you are 079120."

Brigid looked down at the light blue shirt where is was stitched very plainly on her chest.

079120.


	2. Chapter 2

**..:^:.. Colorado, 1958 **

Outside the world raged with a white haze. The girls crowded the living room window, their eyes wide with interest. Their hands left plain as day marks on the glass which usually Tenenbaum would have scolded them for doing so, but as she watched from the kitchen counter she couldn't help but smile, Each child running to find their coats and boots, hats and gloves- a sense of home filling Brigid with ease.

"Enjoying the calm?" Jack startled her, coming up behind her and touching Tenenbaum's shoulders to look over her at the girls. She shook her head.

"Of course." Brigid turned to look at Jack, raising an eyebrow and studying the features of his face for a brief moment. She had grown accustomed to the chestnut color of his hair and the dark porcelain of his skin, his perfectly straight teeth revealing a warm smile. She looked up, her eyes meeting his. Hundreds of shades of brown and grey collided in the eyes that had seen every horror known to man. They held the contact for moments too long before Jack seemed to quiver with a chill and he let go. She looked back at the girls.

"Tenenbaum, would you come outside with us- _pllleeeeaaassseee?" _Pomona cooed, her deep brown eyes glaring up at Brigid.

"Pomona-"

"_Please?" _Alcyone piped up from a few feet away, followed by Lucina until Psyche and Myrrah also started to beg, all five of the girls huddling at Brigid's skirt.

"Alright, fine you win." Tenenbaum smiled and set a hand on Pomona's head of blonde curls. "Go on with Jack and I will come to join you." The girls all cheered with victory while dragging Jack out the door. Their cheering and tiny footsteps followed them out of the apartment complex. She waited, the silence creeping into the building and surrounding the air that had once been disturbed by the laughter and happiness of five little girls.

She sighed in the seemingly still air, making her way to her bedroom. At the door she stopped and mistakenly glanced into an upright mirror- staring back at a woman with sad emerald eyes and a pale face decorated by curly brown hair. Through the thin white fabric of the shirt Tenenbaum's skin glowed- her skinny figure forcing her physique to resemble a ghost, dead, lifeless.

Brigid slowly took the shirt off, unbuttoning each button slowly, sliding out of her skirt equally slow. She touched her shoulders, they had filled in over the years but still the dip of her bone was visible, her collar bones stuck out of her chest. Size B breasts fixed her a little bit farther, making the sickly state fo her chest less noticable. She gulped in disgust, her fingers trailing over her ribs, they had disappeared and were no longer distinguishable but her torso remained skinny, her hip bones slowly vanishing but still created fine lines. Her long legs barely touched near her hips, and the rest of them never did, her thighs turning into knobby knees and thin calves.

She ripped her gaze away from the mirror, dressing quickly in her winter skirt and jacket. Hatred seizing her in an agonizing grip. She looked in the mirror and hated- no- loathed each man who had walked around Auschwitz and watched this happen. Her tiny hands clenched into fists, the men that has marched around that camp went home to woman who had curves to their hips and shape to their shoulders while Brigid Tenenbaum starved. Each soldier fed their daughters well and extra while Brigid went for weeks without a bite to eat.

Did they ever see that she was growing skinnier by the day?

Did they ever care?

Did they ever look at her and see a glitter of their own child in her face or wonder what it felt like to be so hungry that food hurt their throat?

Brigid Tenenbaum glared in the mirror and wondered why she was so different so _wrong _\- that a man would look down at a child and treat her like she was a mad dog, torturing her, killing her so very slowly.

\- November 6th, 1939 **Auschwitz** -

Brigid stood a few feet away from the fence, her stomach growling with hunger and her knees weak with fatigue. She stared at nothing in particular, just the green swamp-like forestry a couple hundred yards away from the fence where she stood, trapped. Tenenbaum was hardly aware of Jack's presence beside her and when his hand brushed hers she stared down at it grimly.

Footsteps were constantly behind or beside them, she would look over every now and again to see the face of a soldier in uniform. She'd made the mistake of cautiously approaching one a day after arrival and asking softly '_Bitte Herr. Ich bin hungrig, essen?__' 'Please Sir, I'm so hungry can I have some food?' _Only to be laughed at and slapped hard across the cheek.

There was however, a moment of silence around them- both of the children looked back to find no one towering behind them. They made eye contact for moments too long.

"Brigid." Jack whispered so quietly it almost wasn't heard. "wir werden weglaufen." _We will run. _She nodded, looking up at the fence which was topped with electric wire.

"Irgendwie." _Somehow. _Tenenbaum stared at the dirt, her feet once pale and clean now cracked with blood and covered in the gross solution.

The two turned around as another set of footsteps approached her, however these were soft- light steps and a delicate, gentle voice followed them. Brigid looked up at a skinny, frail girl with tears running down her face and no hair left on her scalp. The woman was skinnier then death itself. Clinging to her side there was a tiny girl - huge brown eyes and a mop of black hair cut short staggered to stand next to Brigid and Jack.

"You children." The woman's voice came out as a labored hiss, "Stay put, stay together- ja?" Tenenbaum nodded, the woman's daughter looked about her age and was maybe a bit shorter than Brigid. She looked at the girl and nodded.

"Ja." Brigid whispered to the obviously shaken mother. The woman smiled at Tenenbaum's response.

"This is my daughter Emily, you stay with her- ja? and keep her safe - ja?" The woman's eyes filled with tears and she shook with fear- or was that grief?

"Ja." The girl huddled close to Tenenbaum and she in turn put an arm around the girl's weak shoulders. "Ja, Emily will stay with us. Wir schutzen konnen." _We can protect her. _

The woman nodded one last time and kissed Tenenbaum's forehead, then kissed her daughter's, struggling to embrace the girl with such bony, weak arms.

the woman whispered in Jack's ear - although Tenenbaum was sure Emily could not hear- she did.

_'Ihre Uhr lassen Sie sich nicht' Don't let them watch. _Jack nodded at the woman and Tenenbaum's face dropped. What did they not want Emily to watch?

"Lebewohl Emily, ich leibe dich." _Goodbye Emily, I love you. _The woman walked towards the center of the camp were two officers were talking. She did not look back, too transfixed on her ideas and actions to hear her daughter start crying.

"Ma!" Emily calls out and Jack takes her by the shoulder, turning her to look at the fence.

"Sehen nicht." _Don't watch._ Jack looks down at the sobbing girl and puts his arm around her shoulder, mumbling comforting sayings in his own tongue. "hush darling look at the grass, hush darling look at the trees."

Tenenbaum turns and looks at the trees with them, certain she shoudn't watch either. She'd sworn never to let her worry or curiousty damage herself but she can feel the thickening fear in the air and she looks over her shoulder.

The woman takes a rock out of her skirt, and without warning she calls to an officer and slams it into his face. Blood squirts from his nose and he stumbles back - the woman hissing through her teeth and screaming. Flesh and bone purtrude from the Herr's face while he screeches in pain. A burst of Jews run and hide in fear, a few yell and join in- jumping for the other officers and the weak people beat them with bony hands and hollow faces.

_"Hush little baby dont you cry." _Jack's native lullaby reaches her ear- her focus drawing in, her heart beating slow and her head racing.

The woman drops the rock, digging for a shard of sheet metal. The officer starts his movement towards the gun in his belt but Emily's mother lunges at him, the sharp edge of the sheet metal digging into the soldier's throat. She yells loud in his face as scarlet liquid covers her arm- splashes on the ground and covers a soldier's uniform. Her face is locked in instanity, mouth wide and howling, eyes open wide as they could go, bodt rigid with the adrenaline.

"Vergewaltiger! Vergewaltiger!" "_Rapist! Rapist!" _

"_Everything is gonna be alright. "_

More soldiers turn the corner, shooting their fire machines. There is more blood now, it stains the dirt and Emily's mother falls. Tenenbaum counts, 9 bodies. Nine weak, already dead bodies and a soldier. The iron smell rises in the air, crying people look at the pile of death. Brigid could practically taste it in her teeth, sour and sharp. Toxic.

_"Now hush my darling don't say a word." _

Tenenbaum can feel the salt water run down her cheeks, the nausea in her throat building and up in her stomach. She watches skinny little people picking up skinny little bodies. She didn't even know they were alive enough to bleed.

_"One of these day imma give you the whole wide world." _

She clutches her sides and gags, vomiting a few feet away and leaning against the hut for support. Her knees shake - the sun is too hot and digs into her skin like a cancer. It's eating her alive. This sickness in in her skin, tugging at her eyes. Running in her blood. The blood she didn't think she was alive enough to have. Brigid stares, the image of a man throwing his brother onto a cart now imprinted on her eye sockets. She can't forget the way blood squirts out of a man's neck. She will never be able to see a soldier's uniform without imagining the scarlet that would be stained there.

_"Tiny little girl, do not say a thing." _

Brigid's hands shake ferociously and she claws at her scalp- would her hair be falling out soon? She holds onto her sides, would her ribs be showing up soon? Her knees bang against eachother, would they gove out soon? Her eyes water and vision becomes a struggle, would her eyes become sockets too? The men in uniform start to yell at the skinny people disposing of the skinny bodies. The tell them to shut up, work faster. The tell woman and children to get inside- they shoot a little boy for trying to touch his dead Father's face. A five year old boy with a bullet in his head is loaded onto the cart. But wouldn't he have ended up there anyways? How long until the boy would have gotten to skinny to breathe? How long until this same fate would have arrived?

_" One day I will buy you a golden ring." _

She starts backing away, praying that she is not next. She stumbles and falls back, scrambles to Emily and Jack. The younger girl starts to turn around and Tenenbaum stands quickly, turning her around before she sees, looking out at the swamps that look so far away.

_"Hush little baby don't you cry."_

Tenenbaum drapes an arm over Emily, keeping her promise to a dead woman and trying her best to protect her daughter. She looks at Jack, the boy sweating through his shirt, his lips chapped and faded, his eyes slowly despairing. She waits until his stare meets her eyes. She could have sworn she'd never let Jack see her cry. She knows the next line, his song stuck on repeat and her voice thick with the same accent as the soldier's distorting his American song.

_"Everything is gonna be alright." _

**..:^:.. Colorado, 1958**

Tenenbaum wraps her coat a little tighter around her waist, watching her own curls fall over her shoulder. The snow falling and landing perfectly on her dark brown locks. She looks over at Jack, the girls following i front of them and catching snowflakes with their tongues.

"Would you like to stop for some coffee?" Jack smiles and raises an eyebrow- igniting the fire of their own inside game. Brigid laughs.

"Jack you know the answer." she watches the girls play in front of her, Pysche so eloped in her snowflake catching she steps into the street. "Girls!" Five sets of eyes look back at her, alerted. Psyche looks down at her feet and jumps back onto the sidewalk quickly. "Be careful. I do not want to see you hurt." Five bobs of hair dip at the same time while they continue their walk down the street.

"I know but I want to hear you say it." He glances over at her, perfectly white teeth illuminated in the snow and dazzling brown eyes almost take her off guard. She almost wants to kiss his perfectly curved lips. Tenenbaum almost blushes.

"Fine, fine." Brigid rolled her eyes and looks up at him with a grin. "Yes, I would like some coffee."

_"Jes, I vould like some covv-ey." _Jack tries to imitate her thick accent and his utter failure forces another laugh from Tenenbaum.

"Jack don't you think we've known each other long enough you'd think my voice would be familiar to you."

"It is, I just want to keep hearing it. " Jack's breath shutters when they turn the corner and Tenenbaum's heart skips a beat. For a moment the silence becomes heated, a strain they can both feel but neither are willing to admit.


	3. Chapter 3

-November 10th, 1939 **Auschwitz **-

"Brigid." Emily whispered from beside her.

"What Emily?" Tenenbaum looked straight up, her eyes fixed on the point of the ceiling where she'd been staring. Numb. Useless. Helpless. Hopeless. Dead.

Brigid Tenenbaum felt dead.

"Thank you." The girl's tears were heard through the trembling of her voice. Brigid looked over at the child. Her chest rising and falling with the sickly sound of her breaking heart.

"Of course Emily."

Brigid looked out at the swamp, nothing shook anymore, hunger was no longer painful, it was habitual. She looked down at her pants, the uniform which was once an almost perfect size now hung loosely on her. She looked at her wrist, using her other hand to wrap her thumb and index finger around it. She used to barely be able to touch her pinky to her thumb around the wrist bone, now there was a centimeter gap where her forearm was loosing flesh.

She could see it in Jack too, his legs were getting the slightest bit thinner. His hands would not longer twitch with the agony of an aching stomach. Instead his knees would buckle when he was thirsty and he would pass out from the blazing heat.

They hadn't been here as long as the crowds of people, but they were starting to look like them. Tenenbaum would not look at them, she wouldn't utter a word to anyone but Jack and Emily. Her worst fears kept her up all night and she was beginning to forget the faces of her father and mother.

Brigid was shoved from behind, barely catching herself in the chain links of the fence. She swiveled her face to look at a guard, his grin wide and his features devilish in nature. She had heard women talk about him in the darkness of the huts when night fell. The way he would take little girls and young woman away at night, she had heard the other women's words that were not meant for her to hear. Tenenbuam stared into his face, her expression dull, lifeless, lost.

"079120." He sneered, blue eyes and blonde hair snickering in her face. The aryan race they had said. Dumb Germans, obsessed with the color of the hair and eyes. Pointless. She almost mouthed to word to herself. _Pointless. _

A hand finds it's place on the soldier's shoulder and his face is pulled away from hers. Another man barking in the pervert's ear.

"Lessen sie es." _Leave it alone. "_Hier raus, unrat." _Run off to your hole, filth. _The man who as raped many a day at Auschwitz snorts, glares at Brigid and walks away. The other soldier kneels down, he is young and he looks at her with sympathy. She stares and when her emotions do not change he reaches out to touch her shoulder.

Her heart jumps and terror runs through her veins, she jumps and stumbles backwards, the chain links stabbing into her back. He again reaches for her and out of newly formed instinct she shields her face with her hands, a whimper of fear escaping her lips.

"Kind..." _Child... _"Kind..." _Child... _

Tenenbaum curls into a ball, her knees digging into her chest. Every outsider's voice hurt her like a needle. Every touch from someone other then Jack stung like an undesired kiss. The past week would replay itself over and over again in her head. Death was no longer frightening, it was a way of life.

**..:^:.. Colorado 1958 **

Tenenbaum pulled her legs onto the couch, the darkness in the house a safe and untainted state of beauty. She lost herself in the shadows, something she would rarely let herself do. Pain was laced in her very soul and without close supervision it hurt her so badly she'd find herself broken in a state of not knowing how to get up in the morning. She'd try to move her arms and find that the limbs would not obey her.

Tenenbaum would stand in the shower for hours even after Jack had broken down the door and the water turned ice-cold. The void inside of her was so deep, ever so often she would wind up getting lost in its hills and valleys. She could not sleep, she felt the nightmares waiting for her. She did not realise she had been crying, or sobbing at that. It was not common for Tenenbaum to cry, she did not like the feeling of being exposed. Fear was different, in a state of fear Tenenbaum would cling to Jack with every muscle in her body. But sadness made her distance herself, affection and sorrow was an unstable mixture and Tenenbaum still was not comfortable with its content.

She pushed herself off the couch, stumbling to the patio doors. The night was freezing and Tenenbaum lit a cigarette to calm her enraged nerves. The ashes illuminating red over the moon light.

Jack opened the door and she made an attempt to gather herself. His tall figure stood next to hers, hesitated momentarily and then lit his own cigarette. They stood in the endless silence, the sounds of the night ringing in the background.

"Brigid." Jack's voice called to her and she looked over at his roughly outlined features. "Nightmares?" She squinted, on a normal night she would have lied and told him she was up late cleaning or looking forward to a late night smoke. But she couldn't bring herself to hide how much pain she was in.

"Yes." Tenenbaum felt him stand closer.

"Anything on your mind?" He took a long drag and looked over at her, his eyes still bright in the darkness of a Colorado night, the white-topped mountains in the distance eavesdropping on Tenenbaum and Jack's conversation.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. " Tenenbaum lit her second cigarette, the temptation killing her on the inside. Jack was so close, if only she could touch him. He shifted next to her, his shoulder bumping hers for a brief moment.

"Are you sure? You seem.. distant." Jack stood and leaned against the sliding glass door, his chest only a foot away from hers. Tenenbaum's breath quickened involuntarily, her mind wandering into what she knew as the impossible and uncomfortable.

"Jack..." Tenenbaum took a long drag, her throat constricting with the agony while her aching heart and body longed for a touch. He came closer, his arm around her shoulder. "I..." She let her voice fade away and stared at the concrete beneath their feet. Her hands trembled while she leaned forward to put out her cigarette on the edging of the porch. She leaned into Jack, his sweater smelling of cigarettes and coffee beans. He tucked her into an embrace and rubbed her back, each touch igniting her want - her need for Jack.

"Tenenbaum, what is it? You can tell me anything." Jack's voice sounded like caremel and smelled like cigarettes. She met his gaze, her hand on her shoulder rubbing her comfortinly. She was used to this kind of affection rom Jack and craved a little bit farther, just a tiny touch of a kiss- a single drop to fill her craving. Brigid didn't dare break the gaze of the man she loved dearly. She came a little closer, setting a nervous hand on his chest- their torsos only inches away. He exhales his cigarette and drops it in the snow collected on the porch. A few inches closer and she can practically taste the nicotine on his breath. "Brigid." His voice changed, a tang of something new dropping from his lips, sweeter then honey.

"...Jack." For a heart stopping moment she wills him to continue, begs him to take the next step. His arms pulling her in closer. Their hips only half an inch away, the rising of his lungs almost touch hers- an unbearable distance that seems like he's miles away. Her hands roam upwards, towards his shoulders and he traces her back. Another agonized moment of hesitation before Jack breaks the glance, at first Brigid's heart stops- afraid she's scared him away.

And then all to quickly his lips are pressed against hers. The kiss is painfully slow, gloriously passionate. Only when she thinks she might pass out from the pure ecstasy does he pull away, looking deep into her eyes and he closes the gap between them, their chests pressed against each other. He places a gentle kiss on her neck and she gasps at the feeling of his chest against hers, a sensation that fit perfectly, as if she was made for him. His teeth scrape her skin while he intensifies, her arms wrap around his neck, fingernails scraping his skin while her hips move to press into his.

They back into the wall slowly, chills running up Tenenbaum's back, caused the opposing forces - Jack's warm and the freezing cold of the wall. Jack's hands roam to her hips, his own pressing against hers. He does not use much strength almost as if he is afraid to break her. She can feel his erection press against her pelvis and grips strong, sculpted shoulders for dear life. His kisses trail down her neck to her collar, slowly his hands roam to her thighs, hesitating. He pulls back- the gap between them opening again. Brigid's breath comes short, she runs fingers through his hair, touching his chin and kissing his slightly chapped lips. He takes a hand off of her, reaching for the door and pulling her into the warm of the house.

Quietly they make their way to Tenenbaum's room closing the door and locking their gazes again. Jack dives in for more- pinning Tenenbaum to the door, holding her thighs and guiding them to wrap around his waist. Moments of passion and divine ecstasy escape them he runs cold hands up her shirt, running over her torso and cupping her breast. She lets out a quiet moan in his mouth, the sound seeming strange in her throat but harmonic in their breath. Jack carries her to the bed, laying her down gently, nurturing her, careful not to hurt her.

She trails her hands down his chest, locking her hands in his pants and underwear, sliding them down to his thighs. His cock full erection and throbbing. They rotate, he lays back and she touches him. He grunts softly, her hand wrapping around him, moving up and down, finding where and how she should touch, grunts and small 'ah' noises from Jack leading her on. His hip buck involuntarily when she lowers her head, sucking him until he pulls her away softly.

She straddles him and he pulls up her night skirt, finding Brigid's underwear and rubbing her clit. She sighs and dips her head, she is already wet with impatience, temptation building up inside of her. Jack knows just how to touch her, he inserts a finger into her core and Tenenbaum struggles to hold back a moan. She can feel herself tighten around him and he dares to insert another finger. Surprise and fulfillment wash over her electrically while he thrusts them at a pace that makes Tenenbaum bite her own lip, a small whimper escaping her.

"Enough." she says softly when her lungs burn with the sensation and she lusts for more. She takes her panties off, straddling Jack and slowly lowering herself onto him. She takes all of him - the pleasure so overwhelming she cannot make a sound. She rolls her hips, taking it slow, moving up and down on him with patience. He guides her hips - a hand roaming to her chest and kneading her breast.

Brigid thought he would want to close his eyes and imagine he was with someone else, another woman who was curvier or more attractive than her, but he keeps his eyes fixed on Tenenbaum.

Her paces quickens until her toes curl and her arms weaken. Her climax nearing with every choppy breath. She looks into the maze of brown that is Jacks eyes- her body itching with pure bliss. When she comes she is careful to stay quiet letting out a small moan while her hips stop working and Jack continues to trust into her- drawing out her orgasm, she wills Jack to come with her and when he breaks her gaze to stifle a sound she can feel his warmth inside of her. Every last drop of energy leaves her and she rests her head in to crook of Jack's neck- panting and quivering. They catch their breath and he turns her head- kissing her as he pulls out and lays Brigid on her side.

He pulls his pants back up and yanks a blanket over their now heated bodies. They stare for hours- each studying the faces they knew so well, Jack touching her cheek and side ever so often her skin lusting still for his touch. Tennebaum watches as Jack's breathing begins to slow and his eyes begin to close, his arms still draped around her. Her own eyes close, drawing her into a -for once- nightmare-less, sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**..:^:.. Colorado, 1958 **

"... Tenenbaum? ... Mama Tenenbaum?" Brigid woke to a familiar sight, Alcyone clutching her arm and shaking it- woken by a nightmare. She sat up unfatigued, already used to being woken this suddenly and set the tiny girl on her lap. In a moment of realization she snaps her head back to the bed, only to find the space beside her unoccupied.

"What is it child?' Brigid forces her attention back to the frightened girl, away from the familiar emptiness of her bed. "Nightmares?" The child folds into her chest, shaking from the terror. "Shhh... Its okay little one, you are safe with me. Everything is alright. _Es ist ordnung mein klienes madchen_" Tenenbaum rocks the girl, protecting her with every soft spoken word and gentle caress. Eventually Alcyone's breath slows, her lungs rising and falling with peaceful ease. She walks with the girl sleeping on her shoulder, she is starting to get too big for Tenenbaum to carry and Bridig's weak arms would threaten to break. They make only one exception for Tenenbaum's little ones.

There are four rooms in Brigid and Jack's flat, her own, Jack's and the last two are shared by the girls which none of the children mind since being alone scares them half to death. She tucked to girl into her own bed- pulling the covers up to Alcyone's shoulders, a tightness in her chest growing as she closed to door, watching the small people sleep.

As she stumbles down the hall a movement catches her eye- and Tenenbaum looks up to meet Jack's gaze. He is half asleep and peeks down the hall towards his own room and Tenenbaum's, she has her hand on the handle and stands between Jack and his room. Brigid's head spins, does he not wish to sleep with her? Is he crawling away because she had done something wrong? Brigid's face did not change as Jack walked down the hall, bringing her close where she could find comfort in his arms. He kisses her forehead, embraces her once more and whipers in her ear softly.

"The girls," he looks at Tenenbaum's room and she understands. Stability is key for their girls, she couldn't possibly risk confusion or curiousity until the girls were a little older. He leaves, taking his body heat and Brigid's temporary peace of mind with him. She waits until he is consumed by the darkness of his own room's shadows and the door closes her out to dash into her own bed, lonely and irrationally terrified she tosses and turns reality a no better horror then the land of her nightmares.

-December 20th, 1939 **Auschwitz -**

She could count each of her ribs, they protruded from her torso- her collar jutted outwards from the intoxicating thin of her weakening body. Each shoulderblade stuck out of her back, every knob on her spine was countable. When she stood, her thighs no longer touched and her hips became easily sore with the effort it took to make small movements. More then a month at Auschwitz and Tenebaum had forgotten so much, restarted everything she knew and watching in horror as her system re-booted.

Brigid did not know what her mother's eyes looked like. She remembered her fathers, they were green - like hers. And her mother's hair was dark, but her fathers... was it light? Dark? She shivered at the thought of not remembering. She looked over at Jack with the same blank, pointless expression she had grown accostumed to. The shout of an angry German over the desolate camp ground startled her and she jumps- eyes following the pointed fingers and violent words.

"_Aufhoren sire! Aufhoren sie!_ Stop her! Stop her!"

"Brigid." Jack's voice is the one out of a sea of cruel harsh rumble that she dared listen to. "..._Brigid." _He was staring at the fence with terror, his eyes huge and his lip trembled. She followed his eyes to the same spot the guards pointed, she looked at Emily who was at the top of the fence, a hole in the chain links just below the electric wire was big enough for her to fit. She slipped through the chain, her tiny frail body landing on the grass outside of this hell hole. Brigid stood from the steps where they had been sitting- half smiling.

"Emily?" she willed to girl on, a flash of a small child running across the feild. _Laufen kind, laufen mein kleiner madchen _Run child, run my little girl. Jack touched her arm, his face still broken and defeated, he pulled her back while she struggled out of his skinny arms, she ran to the fence. "Emily..." She could see her disappearing into the forest - over the roar of the guard's fury she could hear the sound of the forests that she was positive Emily could at this moment, a sense of hope banging into her chest. The last thread of a possibility of safety and Tenenbaum was holding on with everything she had left.

Then the shot sounded.

The bang rang in Brigid's ears, her hearing disabled as she watched the running figure tumble to the ground- blood spattering the grass. The sky fell, an array of solider's boots stomped on Brigid's last chance and she could feel the abyss pulling her in.

"No.." Jack whimpered beside her.

"Nein... nein..." She shook her head and walked forward, one foot after the other, one broken bone hitting the next. She came a few feet away from the fence where she could see Emily's body only mere yards away. "Emily! Emily!" She screamed into the valley, tears mixed with dirt dried quickly on her cheeks.

Jack picked her up when she started to bang and scream at the fence. She pulled her away before the gaurds could yell at her to stop. She scratched and punched him - beating his already decaying body as he took her back to the steps, locking her in his arms which were still much stronger then hers. Brigis couldn't stop shaking, her ears still buzzed. She pretended her nose didn't sting when the scent of burning flesh filled her nostrils.

**.:^:. Colorado 1958 **

Tenenbaum stared at a blank paper sticking out of the top of her typewriter. The thought put into finding the correct words made her sick. She couldn't possibly write when her head was so full of information all of the time. The house was quite, the girls had all fallen asleep and Jack was in his own room doing whatever it was he did.

She looked out the window at a world so far away, a world she couldn't seem to understand even so many years after trauma had happened. There is no 'normal' after trauma, 'normal' changes, 'normal' is hell 'normal' is fright 'normal' is so far away she can't see it through the caves and valleys that she stumbles through just to get out of bed. 'Normal' was nonexistant. 'Normal' was gone, out of reach, far away. She couldn't see why she was still walking this earth, after her sins, after her pains, after all her personal walls she'd built to protect herself had come tumbling down. Snow still fell, wind still blew in the distance, the sounds of cars and people still hung in the air of the earth which was still spinning while Brigid Tenenbaum's heart ached.

She touched just under her breast where it should be and wondered if it was even there at all, or if it had simply disappeared, leaving in it's absence an empty, greedy, angry void that gnawed on her throat consistantly. That little monster causing the constrictions in her voice when the world seemed to suffocate her - like a pillow over her head. Or the sobs that would creep up on her like a worried mother fighting off her rapist. Maybe it implanted screams in her lungs that sounded off at night as if she thought she was still watching bodies burn. A little empty, greedy, angry demon in her head that would play nightmares over like a film- a little boy trying to touch his dead father's face, a small child running towards her only freedom just to be shot in an empty feild- a blank page of a book which that had barely begun and is now splattered with blood.

She planted her elbows in the desk like two towers, two towers watching over a prison camp, a little defeated place inside of her, holding her head up. She felt the speed of her breath, the way her lungs begged for more air that her hyperactive breath could not provide.

The darkness came so quickly, she thought maybe she'd been hit by a bullet, but once it did, nothing was left but the nightmares. The hallucinations of her head was what made her scream in her sleep. Only hallucanations never really happened, these where real. Memories..

-March 13th, 1940 **Auschwitz **-

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Tenenbaum took a breath.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

She gasped for air to fill a skeletal ribcage.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

She felt the heartbeat in her chest. The steady pounding of that powerful muscle in an already dead body.

She looked through the fence. At this place, Emily's body had been rotting for months. She would have smelled the dead flesh if only she haden't gotten used to the smell. Smoke blew out of the 'shower house' in the middle of the camp.

She wasn't stupid.

She knew.

"Brigid." Jack's voice croaked from beside her.

"Jack." She spoke for the first time in days.

He reached for her, and held a boney cut-ridden hand. Blood from a scab was now trickling through his fingers but for hours they stood in silence.

She looked at the one building that she did not know and when she found her dead legs carrying her towards it, she midlessly realized she was at the door. The door which was wide open. She stared at it's metal frame, the steel worn and damaged. She stepped inside and the darkness consumed her.

A single lightbulb lit a table in the room. Blood splattered the floors and walls, a new awful stench hung thickly in the air. Tenenbaum however, was more interested in the chalkboard on the wall. She read it, a jungle of 'x's and 'y's and forulas and chemicals that she understood. Yes, she could remember. She remember that book - that book her father read to her at night. She remembered he had green eyes like her's. And her mother, her mother is there- there in the kitchen cooking, she has black hair, black hair like her's and her father's.

Tenenbaum picks up the chalk- an unsolved answer waiting for her. Yes, her mother's skin plus her father's laugh equals the happiness that Tenenbaum felt when she ran down the street. A bag of flour spilled on her father's work plus the smile of her mother equals the flour fight she spent weeks getting out of her hair. The was Jack slouched in his school chair plus the way he'd curse at her when she was right equals the time she fell in the creek and he pulled her out. Jack meeting her father plus her mothers crying equals no more sitting by Jack at school. her father's green eyes plus her mother's favorite star of david necklace equals the time Tenenbaum was pulled out of school.

It all made sense now.

The answer was 854X + 3Y.

She gulped for air, inhaled the awful air around her and looked over her answers, chalk stained her hands and tears stained her cheeks. She set down the chalk. Everything made sense now, she could see how each side of the equation was perfectly cancelled out.

Boots tumbled into the room and an arm grabbed her calling her awful names that she no longer heard. They were yelling at her - spitting at her but her face never changed. They yanked her out of the room.

"Take her to the showerhouse!"

Tenenbaum no longer cared. She awaited the death with patience and now only hoped she could still replay those memories regained as the fire ate her skin.

"Warten sie!" _Wait! _And older looking man in a lab coat stood beneath the chalboard, slackjawed while his eyesa bulged out of his head. "Look... She's right."

The men never let go of her, yanking her to the board as she looked over her work and as they calculated and checked every decimal.

"You! 079120!" The scientist beckoned her close and with rage in his eyes spoke to her. "Did you do this?" He swung a hand towards the board.

"Ja."

"And the answer?"

"854x plus 3y."

"Simplify it." He narrowed hate filled eyes at her and waited. She glanced at the answer again momentarily. _There are 12 books on her shelf and every 4 days she reads a new one. For every four nights there is one book. _

"There are 284 and a third particles for every compartment." She did the equation in her head quickly. The man looked at his compainins who all nodded with shock.

"You... are a Jew?"

"Ja."

"And you know chemistry?"

"Ja."

"You think you are better then us you filthy slug?"

"Nein."

"How can a child know such things?"

"Sometimes I just know."

"Ja? Then why tell me?"

"If you are going to do such things, at least you should do them properly."

"Ja?" The man raised his hand and hit Tenenbaum with a quick blow to the face, leaving her to quiver on the floor.

The scientists all glared down at her- only one lean skinny man grumbled under his breath.

"_Das Wunderkind." _


End file.
